Dogfight!
An Accurate Report by Hauptmann Bruno Bierhaller!
Phil’s WWI Aerial game got a run out on 27 March at the community centre. Adopting farcical pilot names and manifesting deep-lying psychological tendencies, those present mounted their biplanes again as predatory canvas falcons of the early twentieth century. What follows is an impressionistic tongue-in-cheek write-up from a con-descending veteran cockpit observer of the action!
“On his new mats (deep brown with hexes, from Deepcut Studios), and using his own rules, Phil sorted us into two sides for an outing of carnage over the Western Front,” begins Bierhaller in his recently discovered account of Western Front Dogfighting: ‘The Circle Beats the Line’…
“The British – Rob, Richard and Jonathan – were mostly in Sopwith Camels I recall, though Jonathan had a single-machine-gun aircraft. Ja, but who had the better uniforms?”
“The Germans – Me, Paul, and Ian – were in Albatross DV’s (Ian in an inferior model, as he had just started his flying career in his first game). My flight, known as ‘Biergeschwader I’ was thus composed of a wily veteran Captain, an up and coming Lieutenant, and a wet-behind-the-ears Ensign. Buoys, too many buoys!”
“Contrary to expectations, I, Hauptmann Bruno Bierhaller, announced and followed to the letter my standard tactics for WWI Aerial: ’round and round’. This means flying seemingly randomly around the area of operations, rather than picking off any opposing planes. As an ostensible Anarchist peacenik, it had stood me in good stead over two previous missions. Ha ha, why change what’s working?”
“Paul, flying an imperious ‘Red Baron’ plane (as a good kamerade, we tolerate his eccentricities), scoffed at my idea, but was soon shot down after flying into danger guns blazing, and then reincarnated. *Slow head shake* – The arrogance of youth!”
“Ian (clearly haunted in his first sortie) initially followed Paul, but then switched to my correct approach, but was downed by Rob! You just can’t get the experienced pilots anymore. Tsk, tsk. But, to be fair, I was leading the lads by example…”.
“The British were coming on in the same old style: flying in formation to maximise chances of downing our planes. Approaching the enemy? So reactionary! Jonathan awkwardly jammed his single MG while trying to fire at Paul… Best not to fire at all, my old Squadron Leader Rudolf Rocker used to say… and he survived (but not the firing squad).”
“Soon after, Richard got stuck in and damaged Paul’s new aircraft. The dangers of Englander warmongering… still, a man with a big empire deserves to be taken seriously!”
“However, Paul fired back and lightly damaged Richard’s plane. A good little burst of fire from our Paul. He was definitely learning now…”
“As I zoomed past in my plane ‘Kunegunde’, shouting encouragement – Ian reincarnated, and adopted my wise tactical approach. Round and round! Follow proper psychology lads: lull them into a false sense of security, then: blam! (Scoot off breaking the sound barrier.)”
“Paul, keen as mustard, attacked Richard again, but his gun was jammed, which he tried to rectify, but failed… These new boys are so eager to fire! The key is to oil the machine guns before the flight, and then to aim properly first, you know? They’ll learn…” *Shake of head*
“Richard decided to fly home back across No-Man’s Land, and successfully avoided a crash, testing because he had sustained damage from Paul… Again, promising work by a good junior kamerade. Next time don’t follow orders…”
“Jonathan, now unjammed and outraged by my circulating tactics turned and attacked me from the rear, having descended 4 levels to match mine. Jonathan fired on me again, as I swerved masterfully, yet grazed my fuselage… A pilot of my experience is almost delighted to be hit by an Englander. I must admit, I hadn’t expected that!”
“The English flew home, 2 kills to 0 in their favour (had they won the war? No!). So, assessing the situation expertly, I turned and flew home in my pristine Kunegunde, wing-wagging my appreciation to the by now badly shaken novices. I was well received by the senior officers at base, gaining promotion to Major and a Blue Max no less! (In my dreams!). It was two Blue Maxes actually: I already had one to my honest credit (I borrowed it from old Rudolf… for safekeeping, before his execution).”
“In sum, a victorious German flight. Especially pleased with my own performance, of course, in an understated way. But this was “very much a team show”, apparently. While straining to engage, I needed to let the young pups loose. The key to winning aerial tactics, IMHO: delegate the fighting to the juniors, affect cowardice to provoke bloodlust, and supervise from an inscrutable vantage point (possibly back at base using radio). 11 out of 10 every time. We survived, and gave the Englanders a good kicking! End of report.” – Haupt. B. Bierhaller (Blue Max II)
A fun night of play and banter. Thanks Phil!
